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Funny Jokes for you

Started By James20 , Oct 20 2014 04:04 AM

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#16

James20
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The day care teacher holds up a picture and asks, "What's this?" "A horsey," one child answers. 
"And this?" the teacher asks. "A piggy." replies another youngster. 
"And now this one?" asks the teacher, holding up a picture of a male deer with a beautiful rack of antlers. There was no answer, only total silence. "Come now, children," she coaxes, "I'll give you a little hint. What does your Mommy call your Daddy when he hugs and kisses her a lot?" 
"I know! I know!!" exclaims one little girl."It's a horny bastard!"

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#17

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It was the first day of school and a new student, Suzuki, the son of a Japanese businessman, entered the fourth grade. 
The teacher said, "Let's begin by reviewing some American history. 
Who said "Give me Liberty, or give me death?" She saw a sea of blank faces, except for that of Suzuki, who had his hand up: "Patrick Henry, 1775,". 
"Very good!" Who said 'Government of the people, by the people, for the people shall not perish from the earth'"? Again, no response except from Suzuki: "Abraham Lincoln, 1863." 
The teacher snapped at the class, "Class, you should be ashamed. Suzuki, who is new to our country, knows more about its history than you do." She heard a loud whisper: "Fucking Japanese." "Who said that?" she demanded. Suzuki put his hand up. "Lee Iacocca, 1982," 
At that point, a student in the back sighed, "I'm gonna puke!" The teacher glares and asks "All right! Now who said that?" Again, Suzuki says "George Bush to Japanese Prime Minister, 1991." 
Now furious, another student yells, "Oh yeah! Suck this!" Suzuki jumps out of his chair waving his hand and shouts to the teacher........"Bill Clinton, to Monica Lewinsky, 1997."

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#18

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A child asked his father, "How were people born?" So his father said, "Adam and Eve made babies, then their babies became adults and made babies, and so on." The child then went to his mother, asked her the same question and she told him, "We were monkeys then we evolved to become like we are now." The child ran back to his father and said, "You lied to me!" His father replied, "No, your mom was talking about her side of the family."


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#19

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An old man walks into the barbershop for a shave and haircut, but he tells the barber he probably can't get all of his whiskers off because his cheeks are wrinkled from age.

The barber gets a little wooden ball from a cup on the shelf and tells him to put it inside his cheek to spread out the skin.

When he's finished, the old man tells the barber that was the cleanest shave he's had in years. But he wanted to know what would have happened If he had swallowed that little ball.

The barber replied, "Just bring it back in a couple of days like everyone else does."


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#20

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ne day a Professor was talking about marriage in the class.

Professor: What kind of Wife would you like Pappu?

Pappu: I would want a wife like the moon.

Professor: Wow !!! What a choice... So you want her to be Cool & Calm like the moon?

Pappu: No, no...

Professor: Oh, so you want her to be Round and white?

Pappu: No, no...

Professor: Oh, so you want her to be Fair and Beautiful like the moon?

Pappu: No, no... I want her to be Exactly like The MOON. Just Arrive at Night and Disappear in the Morning.

Professor fainted...


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#21

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A husband and a wife were sleeping. Suddenly, a sound of a car screeching was heard outside.

The wife woke up and shouted, "Oh it must be my husband!"

The husband woke up after he hear his wife's words and ran off to hide in a bush outside.

Moments later, the husband came in, angry, "What do you mean 'Oh it must be my husband!' Are you saying you have other men over?"

Wife, "Well, then why did you run away?"


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#22

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This is dedicated to all of us who are seniors, to all of you who know seniors, and to all of you who will eventually become seniors.

"WHERE is my SUNDAY paper?!" the irate customer calling the newspaper office, loudly demanded to know where her Sunday edition was.

"Madam", said the newspaper employee, "today is Saturday. The Sunday paper is not delivered until tomorrow, on SUNDAY!!!"

There was quite a long pause on the other end of the phone, followed by a ray of recognition as she was heard to mutter, "Well, shit, that explains why no one was at church either.


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#23

clockdisaster
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You should try working at the car tests.
You would make a really safe wall

 

You know the how does the bald dog feel when you touch it?

Well, that's how i feel when i touch you


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#24

hyipcentral
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There is definitely some good ones and some bad ones...Great job on most of them.


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